Friday, May 6, 2011

Call '911', I think I'm dying.......

Yesterday, after finishing a couple of doctor's appointments and awaiting a third, we passed time away by going to the bookstore. I've never understood how these major bookstores can operate like a library, and maintain a profit. (Grab a book, magazine, or newspaper ....sit in their coffee shop and read 'til your heart's content.)

While perusing (I just love that word!) the magazines, looking for something interesting to read, I noticed one (don't recall the name) with a catchy phrase on the cover. It read something like "Take this test and find out how long you will live". So, no doctor, or psychic, needed .....just read the magazine.....take the quiz and get your answer.

I quickly picked it up, backed up and sat down on one of the benches in the center of the aisle and turned to Page 54. I didn't bother to read the preamble to the article....I just rushed right to the questions.

Question Number One: Do you eat healthy food? Well, is ice cream, donuts, chocolate candy, and fried food healthy? That would be "No".

Question Number Two: Do you drink alcohol? Does one or two glasses of wine count?

Question Number Three: Do you smoke? That would be "No".

So far, I've gotten points for not smoking - but are the points for questions one and two deducted?

Question Number Four: Can you climb three flights of stairs without stopping to rest, or being winded once you get to the top? Heck, after the first flight, I have to stop and take a breath ....after the third, please call '911'.

Question Number Five: Can you get up, from a sitting position on the floor, without putting your hands on the floor and pushing up?  Are you serious? I can't get up, out of a chair, without pushing!!

There were five more questions - I have no idea what they were - I had already failed 4 out of 5, and I was very depressed!

I closed the magazine and decided I'd take my chances with the psychic. I didn't like these questions. Maybe I'd better go home and call the Undertaker! Who thinks up these things, anyway!!
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